Blogs I Want to Write... but Probably Shouldn't

"It is tact that is golden, not silence." - Samuel Butler

Tact is an interesting concept, and one that I knew very little of until developing a high-quality, four year roommate relationship with Andrew Trull, Tact Master and professional PR account executive. For years I took pride in spewing out through my vulgar mouth whatever thoughts happened to enter my brain, with little regard for hurting others.

OK, maybe that's a bit dramatic. My goal was to be what my mother describes as a "velvet steamroller." I wasn't so oblivious that I didn't care about people's feelings, but I did like to be honest. But sometimes I was a little more steamroller than velvet.

I've applied this tact to my blog as best as possible (though I'm sure I've offended someone along the line). But this past month or so, I've been struggling coming up with something suitable to write about. I've had plenty of ideas, but the majority of them are probably a little too over the top or offensive for my wide array (read: sarcasm) of readers.

Since I can't seem to come up with a suitable idea, I'm just going to list out all my bad ones in hopes that it will inspire some good ones, and maybe get a few laughs. Apologies in advance for my twisted sense of humor that will obviously offend someone. If you're easily offended or grossed out... maybe don't read this.

Bad Blog Ideas And their subtitles:

1. The New Epidemic: Two-Day Hangovers And you thought Ebola was bad...?!
2. Resume: Professional Bridesmaid Professional ass kisser and mediocre speech giver.
3. Tampon Review: Tampax Pearl vs. Kotex U vs. Playtex Sport What to know before wearing white pants while surfing the red tide.
4. Most Interesting Places That I've Barfed While Drunk You know that bush outside that 4-star steakhouse? Yeah...
5. The Definitive Guide to Pissing Off Your Coworkers Could you BE any LOUDER?!
6. Analysis: How Much Sweat (Volume) Do I Produce During Hot Yoga? And how does it compare to my fellow sweaty yogis?
7. Weighing In On The Vaccination Debate I really, really, really DGAF. Live and let live. 
8. Things That I am Sick of Reading in People's Facebook Statuses "Oh my God, you guys are SOOO DRAMATIC. I just wish I lived in a world without drama. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. ::tags all the people she's pissed about::
9. Photos That I am Sick of Seeing on My Facebook Timeline If I have to see a shot of your cleavage one more time, you're getting de-friended. 
10. How to Be the Most Basic Bitch Ever From bad pop music to anything pink and girly to Starbucks caramel macchiatos... I've got you covered!

OK, maybe I for real need to write that last one, though. I know it's been done...but I really am an expert, and it's pretty awesome being a totally basic betch. 

All for now, more to come.

-A