"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing at me." - Rodney Dangerfield
Recently Yahoo! News posted an article titled "Granny Panties Are So Hot Right Now." Thank goodness someone else agrees with me! This article demonstrates some of the hottest stars of Hollywood rocking some awesome high-waisted, full-seated, sexy-ass GRANNY PANTIES.
I've spent an altogether too much amount of time in my adulthood dedicated to sharing the good word of the granny panty. Long and hard have I fought to end the stigma our modern-day culture has placed upon the glorious and pragmatic brief style underwear. In a world of thongs and G-strings, I have fearlessly embraced the full-seaters and championed their benefits.
One of my dearest friends, the one for whom I served as MOH, scolds me frequently for my underwear choice. In her not-so-humble opinion, lacy thongs are the only acceptable undergarment. I, on the other hand, believe those skimpy excuses for underwear should be reserved for attempting to fulfill a very specific goal (use your imagination).
My boyfriend is in agreement with her. "All dudes prefer thongs," he claimed one day (before we were dating, when he was still my assistant at work. tee hee.). And so of course I broke all HR approved rules and polled the majority of young men in my office. The very scientific study indubitably determined that men are about 50/50 on the thong vs. full-seater debate.
Aside from the fact that 50% of men will still think you're do-able even if you wear granny panties, there are several other very important and scientific reasons that granny panties are awesome and should be accepted by the general populous as an appropriate form of undergarment self-expression:
- They're comfortable. Who wants a strip of itchy lace riding up their butt all day long when you could have the loving embrace of a nice, breezy cotton??
- They're cute! They come in all sorts of colors and fun patterns. Hanes even makes day-of-the-week underwear for us full-grown women!
- They keep our junk in the trunk. Some of us girls with bigger backsides need a little support in the same way that busty girls need a good sports bra. No one wants to see me wiggle and jiggle down the sidewalk - trust me, it's not cute.
This is not to say that thongs don't have their place. They were created for a specific purpose: to prevent the tragic VPL (Visible Panty Line) that is sometimes caused by granny panties. Thongs are also useful in the art of seduction.
But our downstairs mix-ups need not be trapped in the confines of a G-string all day, every day no matter what they tell you. If Miley Cyrus can rock the granny panty, so can we!! So shimmy on into a pair of silky high-wasted, full-seated briefs and breathe a sigh of relief, ladies. The time of our oppression is over!
All for now, more to come.
-A
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