Always, Sometimes, Never. Or, the Fear of Commitment

"Man - a being in search of meaning." - Plato

Dear Plato. Were you speaking to my generation? Let's just go ahead and re-write it to say: Millenials - mid-twenty-something beings in search of meaning.

As I posted in a previous entry, I often find myself in search of meaning in my life. In my work, relationships, physical health, I search. And often I fail. I think part of the problem for me, and others my age, is that commitment is HARD! We swapped majors in college, waiting to the last minute to pick one. We moved over and over again after college, in search of our new "home." We sought new employment after a year or two when we realized our first job was not our dream job (and aren't we entitled to our dream job?!).

Even the way we speak represents our inability to commit; our transience. How often do we say "I feel like..." in front of something we believe to be or know is true? If we believe it... we should own it and proclaim it! But our inherent fear of failure and commitment prevents us. We were taught that we can feel any way that we want, so if we "feel" something, it can't be wrong. Feelings aren't wrong, so we "feel" like 2 + 2 = 4 or we "feel" like we should call our moms because we haven't talked to them in a while or we "feel" like The Great Gatsby is a novel about mismanaged expectations and disappointments juxtaposed with the lavishness of the 1920's culture of excess. We know, we believe these things to be true, but cannot commit to those convictions.

I stumbled upon a blog entry on Goat & Lulu in which the author commits to "always, sometimes, and never" doing things. And I thought to myself, "what a great prompt! I think I'll try it."

Then I quickly panicked because I believed that there was nothing that I could commit to saying I always did, or never did. I could only commit to the "sometimes" because it is no commitment at all! No one can hold me accountable for "sometimes" because it lacks definition.

And so, I've chosen to challenge this fear, and own up to things that I always, sometimes, and never do. Five definitive statements for each that I believe to be true. Here goes nothing...

I always...

...hesitate before making commitments. 

...pick off my nail polish at inappropriate times, like work meetings or funerals.

...over think and worry over the littlest, silliest things in romantic relationships.

...enjoy eating pizza, even if it's just a Little Caesar's Hot 'n' Ready.

...remember how my best friend hates when people use 'n' instead of "and" whenever I use it.

I sometimes...

...drink just one glass of wine too many on Sunday nights.

...eat a whole sleeve of Girl Scout Cookies in one day. 

...use too many curse words.

...have the motivation to work out and eat right to look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I never...

...have the dedication to keep up the work out/healthy eating schedule to look like a Victoria's Secret model.

...regret going on a run, even if it's just a mile or two.

...fear a challenge. I fear many things, but not challenges. 

...eat the very bottom part of a banana, referred to as the "bananus" by Ellen DeGeneres.

...want to get out of bed on time because I love sleep too much.

Phew, that was NOT easy, people. Believe me. I would love to hear from others - do these statements seem accurate? What do you always, sometimes, and never do?

All for now, more to come.

-A