7 Ways to Fake a Clean Bedroom

"Adults keep their surroundings relatively clean, because living space is an extension of the self and no grown up  work gets done in a pig sty." - Chelsea Fagan

I recently read an article on Thought Catalog called 13 Signs You're a Grown Ass Woman. Up until reading this article, I really did consider myself a "grown ass woman." I have a full-time job, I pay my bills, I drink alcohol on a regular basis. In my mind, those were the requisites for being a "grown ass woman."

According to Ms. Fagan, though, I fall just short of "grown ass woman" status because I do not live up to the standard of a clean living space.

My apartment is relatively clean. Occasionally there are dishes in the sink, and consistently there is cat hair everywhere thanks to my domestic shorthair Cleo who regularly sheds the equivalent of a full length fur coat every 30 seconds.

My bedroom, on the other hand -- my personal living space -- is another matter entirely.  It looks like someone with ten feet came and kicked off all their shoes, dumped their entire wardrobe on the bed, piled months worth of mail on the desk, and then proceeded to read and discard 1000 women's fitness magazines. In short - it's an estrogen disaster zone.

I can't help it, I swear! I'm hardly there. But on the infrequent occasions when I need to clean up, I've learned a few tricks to fake being a fully-fledged grown ass woman and make your room look like it's clean even when it's not.

How to Fake a Clean Room

1. Shove all the clutter in the closet. 

2. Shut the closet door, dummy.

3. Make the bed. (This trick is legit). Somehow your whole room looks more put together when your bed is made. Toss on a throw pillow, if available. That even makes it look like you tried!

4. Put your 6 months worth of mail into a neat stack. At least then it looks like you intend to go through it and do something about it. 

5. Eliminate direct, overhead light and replace with indirect, dim "mood" lighting. If it's semi dark in there, no one can see that layer of dust on your bookshelf and photo frames.

6. If there's anything lingering around on the floor, shove it into a corner or under the bed where the shadows you've just created will hide it. 

7. And last but not least... light a candle or spray some Febreeze so it doesn't smell like your college dorm room in there, for Pete's sake.

Et voila! You're room is "clean" and you now appear to be a grown ass woman. That is, until the closet door busts open and spills out a year's worth of laundry onto the floor.

All for now, more to come.

-A