Well, I'm back. Seven months late, but here I am with another witty, insightful, entertaining (read: sarcastic) blog post!
I've got no excuse for my lapse in prose, really. Sure I was busy, as most adults are. And there was lots of turmoil in my life since my last entry (more about that another time...). But really, I should have just been writing.
Anyways, my faithful readers, you all have my very best whale friend Katherine to thank for this gem of an entry. She said to me, and I quote:
Actual text between two whales.
So there you have it, folks. I'm going to do a series "1,000 words on..." and feature a random subject. The first topic I'd like to tackle is: Red vs. White Wine
Intro
Let me start by saying: my love for wine knows no bounds. I love
wines of all color, region, age, and price range. I love it when it comes in a
bottle, whether or not the bottle has a cork or a screw top. I love it when it
comes in a box, whether the bag stays inside the box or not.
I am no sommelier; in fact I am far from it! But I am an avid wine
drinker with enough knowledge to be dangerous and perhaps a little annoying.
I’ll give you my opinions and random thoughts on the topic that have very
little research behind them other than drinking more than my fair share of wine
over the past 7 years (for legal reasons let’s just all pretend I didn’t start
drinking wine until I was 21, k?).
Now on to the discussion at hand: red vs. white wine.
The Basics
Red wine was my first wine love. It is warming and comforting, and
pairs nicely with my favorite food of all time: pizza. From Merlot to Malbec,
Cabernet Sauvignon to Chianti, I can always find room or occasion for a glass
of red.
There are a couple downsides to red wine, however. One being the
inevitable spill (for which I am notorious). From carpet to clothing, red wine
is a formidable foe. The other major downside is the ugly purple lips and teeth
that give you away after you’ve been sneaking more than your fair share at the
family holiday party. In my humble opinion, though, these downsides are worth
the deliciousness of a smooth (or sweet, or spicy, or whatever flavor) glass or
three of red wine.
Red wine pairs well with: pizza, pasta, red meat, chocolate, feelings,
and tears.
My taste for white wine was developed later, and I am still
learning about its varietal nuances. For some reason I continually find myself
drawn to Chardonnay, and subsequently find myself saying “I want two ice cubes
in my shah-don-ay, please” like a crazy Jewish New Yorker after a couple
glasses. I also discovered the white wine varietal Torrontes a few years
back, which I enjoy most often in spring or summer.
While white wine doesn’t pose the threat of stained upholstery or
teeth, its downsides do include raging next-day headaches and the need to be
chilled.
White wine pairs well with: lighter meats and seafood, salads,
fruits, and sunny days.
I like wine so much I joined a monthly wine club where we make up fun and informal tastings.
Cooking
You’d be hard pressed to find me cooking without a glass of wine in-hand. I am of the opinion that every recipe should include wine, if not for the actual dish, but for the chef’s consumption.
Aside from the drinking of the wine with food, there are several recipes that wouldn’t be the same without including a bit of the good stuff. Chicken Marsala, for example, simply couldn’t be done without a bit of red wine. I also use red wine in my pasta sauce and crock-pot pot roast.
White wine is also perfect for a creating a nice light pasta sauce with a bit of lemon and garlic. And have you ever found a risotto recipe that doesn’t call for white wine? I surely haven’t. And I probably wouldn’t like it if I did.
In the world of cooking, I think we’ve got a tie. Red wine and white wine are equally necessary and important.
Feelings
Without sounding like I have a problem, I would also like to address the different types of moods that direct me to different kinds of wine.
Take, for example, how you feel after a long day at work. You’re exhausted, but your mind is spinning with everything still left to do. It’s probably raining and cold and you hate everything. This is the perfect time for a glass of red: warming, comforting, soft like your old favorite blanket.
Then there are the days where you’re feeling light and breezy, perhaps daringly optimistic; when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping and your soul feels a little less black than normal. These are the moods for a glass of light white wine, perhaps with a few bubbles to really make it special.
Any mood can be made better, however, with the soft pop that accompanies a cork being freed from the bottle.
Again I think we have a tie here. Both red and white wine have their appropriate place for whatever mood you’re in.
But be careful, because if you take advantage of these mood enhancers too deeply, you will encounter…
The Wine Hangover
A red wine hangover feels a little bit like a sticky smelly moss grew in your mouth overnight. Your head and heart pound, your mascara is probably smeared under your eyes, and there may or may not be some inappropriate texts to your ex on your phone.
With a red wine hangover, you’ll drag yourself to the bathroom and stick your face under the faucet, desperate for that quenching liquid. You’ll forget for approximately 5 seconds that your head hurt, and then it will come reeling back to you as you lurch onto the toilet with your aching head in your hands.
Now take that red wine headache multiply it by one thousand, pair it with a queasy stomach and you’ll have the dreaded white wine hangover. You’ll be trembling and weak upon rising, which can be remedied by some breakfast food. However come 4pm, you’ll still feel like someone is sticking a hot iron poker through your right eyeball straight into your skull.
Comparing the two types of hangovers, I will say that a white wine hangover is far worse than a red wine hangover.
Displaying a giant bottle of Chianti with a family name during the holidays.
Conclusion
If the topic at hand requires me to pick a preferred type of wine as opposed to just pointing out their similarities (both delicious) and differences (colors…duh), I am in an unfortunate predicament much like a mother being asked to pick a favorite child. Of course I’d take the red wine aside and whisper “yes, honey, you’re my favorite but don’t tell your sister” and then later take aside white and say “sweetie of course you’re my favorite but don’t tell your brother.” Then, as human siblings do, the two bottles would lay (empty in the recycle bin) and compare stories, where they would discover that I told them both they were my favorite. And then I’d have some explaining to do.
The point of this thousand words, then, is to say: who cares about red vs. white? Wine is good. I like wine.
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