A little over a month ago, my best friend Katherine and I were (not surprisingly) perched at a local bar, and I was (really not surprisingly) regaling her with a really ridiculous story about my most recent dating failure.
Katherine, not known for being subtle or delicate with words, looked at me and said, "You know what? This year has kind of been a pile of shit for you. But honestly, I look at you and I see you sitting on top of that pile of shit owning it."
Those words created a vivid self portrait in my mind. Tiny little me, on top of a mountain of garbage, looking out into the world and just accepting life for what it is. That image stays with me now, and whenever life adds some more crap to my pile, I just raise my chin ever so slightly and let the putrid shit fumes waft through the air and blow my hair back a la Queen Bey in all of her music videos.
To be completely truthful, I am fully aware that my pile of shit is not nearly as large or as slimy or as nasty as many other people's. The particular shit pile that I find myself sitting atop does not include so many of the awful things that happen in the world and for that, I am thankful. But, for anyone who needs a little help standing on top of their pile of crap and giving the world the middle finger, here are my best tips for doing so.
How To Sit On Top Of Your Pile Of Shit and Own It
1. Visualize yourself sitting, standing, stomping on your pile of shit. Whatever is going to make you feel like you conquered Crap Mountain, elevation 1,000,000 ft. Are you plunging a flag into the putrid pile? Are you sitting peacefully meditating? Are you dancing on it like you're Bruno Mars' latest backup dancer? Find that image and hold on to it. Let it guide you.
2. Read this comic by The Oatmeal. And then read the article that he based it on. The Oatmeal and Augusten Burroughs would totally appreciate the pile of shit metaphor.
3. Actually give the world the middle finger. Just do it. It feels so good. Then laugh because you're alone in your apartment flipping off no one and your cat is judging you.
4. Go to the movies by yourself. Go do anything by yourself. If you're anything like me, it will be completely terrifying. But it's pretty cool to know that you're badass enough to do stuff all by yourself like a BIG GIRL!
5. Do something you've always wanted to do but made excuses not to because you're afraid. For me, it was going to Spain. So I bought plane tickets. Because I want to and I can and there's no reason that I shouldn't. Talk about feeling empowered! Do what you want! Because you can!
6. Prioritize yourself. Listen to yourself. Stop listening to what everyone else is telling you (unless they're complimenting you on your poop pile conquering skills) and do what you think and feel is right. You're smarter than you think (Winnie the Pooh will tell you all about it).
7. Sleep. It's so good for you and it's also really enjoyable. And will give you the energy to keep climbing Mount KillamanCrapo
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